Words I Never Thought I’d Say

Throughout my life, my mother has always joked that when you become a parent, you start saying sentences that English teachers would never accept when they ask you to use a word in a sentence. For example, we spent a lot of Saturday at my parents house and I found myself saying, “Tasha, stop licking the oven.” If an English teacher told you to use the word oven in a sentence, I doubt they would accept that sentence as realistic. On a side note, the oven was off so Tasha wasn’t in any real danger.

Some things I find myself saying to amuse either myself or LD when dealing with Tasha. Tasha gets really excited whenever anyone is going anywhere and starts jumping around in a way that makes it very difficult to get your shoes on. She doesn’t jump on you just around you in circles. One time out of frustration, I told her to “Calm the f– down.” LD looked at me strangely, “did you just tell her to calm the pup down?” Seeing my opportunity to look like a genius, of course I said yes. Since then, whenever she does her crazy jumping thing, we tell her to “calm the pup down,” which has become a command for her to lay down. She has luckily learned it quickly.

Tasha also gets overstimulated sometimes. All dogs do from time to time, but for a dog that is high energy and has many fears, this can happen frequently. LD makes fun of me because I lay her on her side and tell her to “calm thyself.” To be honest, I don’t know why he makes fun of me for this. It is proper English. Also, I have a sneaking suspicion that I picked this phrase up from my mother.

However, there is a phrase I said yesterday that I have been hoping to say, but never thought I would. “Tasha, get out of the shower.” I cannot even describe to you how excited I was to have to say it! Yesterday was bath day for Tasha. We could tell the whole time that the work we had been doing with Tasha had paid off. This was the first time Tasha was in her little bath tub (a rubbermaid tub because we only have a stall shower) without her tail tucked way up between her legs. Was she happy about being in the water? No. But, she was not shaking, she was not terrified, she was simply uncomfortable. When we got to the part of rinsing her off, she didn’t try to struggle her way out of the water. LD didn’t end up scratched or even at risk of getting scratched like when she would try to escape the water. Once again, was she happy? No. However, when she had the freedom to move on her own around the bathroom after I dried her off, she kept bounding back into the shower stall and sniffing around for cheese, which I did end up giving her as a reward. She wasn’t even upset when LD dumped the bath bin out and she was walking through the river of water. After the fifth time of drying her off, though, I was ready for her to no longer jump back in the shower. After a while, practicality trumps happiness for me.

I would love to hear what some other parents or pet parents say that they never thought they would. Please leave some comments below. You can leave them anonymously. I am looking forward to some laughs.


About Danielle Beranek

Life can get away from you when being young, married, and still fairly fresh out of college. Taking on a pet, student loans, going back to school, and soon a new house is enough to leave ones head spinning. For me, life is crazy, but only on the outside.
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2 Responses to Words I Never Thought I’d Say

  1. Anonymous says:

    Sort of like some parents of children with autism who wait years for their child to learn to speak, and then actually find themselves asking the child to “be quiet.” Not my personal experience, but not as rare as you might imagine.


  2. Anonymous says:

    I suspect that the “calm thyself” came from your father rather than your mother. Congrats with the whole shower/bath thing. You've worked hard to get her there.


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